Two Chicks and a Wiener











{July 20, 2007}   Has it been that long?

I haven’t realized it has been so damn long since I posted.   What can I say, I have been very busy as of late.  Mostly have been helping Anastasia with her Pysch 600 class.  Yick.  We will have her Master’s in October, and the raise that goes along with it.  WOOt!!! 

I went back to the Dr. today.  I am a complete dumbass.  Seems that I have read my med bottle wrong and have only been taking half of my presribed dose.  I feel like such an idiot.  *insert doofus face here*  I also got a new script for Ambien.  By hell I am going to get some sleep one way or another.  LOL   My girl is going to have to hide my keys, says that people have been prone to sleep driving.  WTF?  May even get up and make a sandwich and shit too.  That is somehow hilarious to me for some reason.  That is all I need, as if I don’t stuff my face enough in waking hours.   Anastasia did however perk up at the mention of people have been known to have “sleep sex” while taking it. 

She swears that she watched me screw Casper not long after we got together.  Seems that since she wasn’t used to sleeping with anyone in a while, she awoke at my movements.  According to her, I switched positions and everything, only to cap it off with “smoking” a cigarette after the festivites were finished.  LOL   The next morning she asked if I had good dreams and I told her I didn’t think so, I didn’t remember dreaming.  After telling me what I had done, I didn’t believe her…until she insisted on a “wet check”.   *blushes*  ANYwho…

I am leaving for NYC at 4:30 Monday morning.  KICK ASS.  I am totally excited!   My girl, however, has already started getting a bit grouchy.  Bless her heart.

Am going at midnight to try to score a copy of the Harry Potter book.  Yes, I am a big nerd like that.  But you see, I have a 14 hour each way bus trip to look forward to.  Oh joy.  I am going to need some SERIOUS reading material.  Wish me luck!



Well, we took “Muth-er” home over the weekend.  She didn’t really want to go, but she needed to.  She is having a hard time right now, but she couldn’t face her problems at home from here.  She was relatively behaved this visit, but we are kind of like oil and water after more than a few days.  Plus, I missed running around the house naked.  😉

About 1.5 hour into the 4.5 hour trip, I feel Mom’s feet poking around under my seat.  I didn’t think much of it, thought she might have dropped something.  Then I hear, “Girl’s…What are these?”  I turned around to the horrible sight of our leopard print Ben-Wa balls in the palm of her hand.  OMFG.  I.  Wanted.  To.  DIE.  I knew that she knew what they were just from the smart ass tone in the question.  Little did she know that there was a plethora of strappies, vibes, bondage straps, etc. in the duffel bag in the trunk. 

I snatched them out of her hand and threw them into the glove box, I wanted to throw them out the window, but knowing my luck I would have smashed out the windshield of the car behind us.  That would be one explaination I would NOT want to make to the insurance company.  The only thing I could think of was placing the blame on anyone whose mother did not just have such intimate objects in the palm of her hand.  “Anastasia!!!!”, I replied in total shock.  Unfortunately, even my mom in her ignorance of dykes saw right through that.  Laughter all ’round, but none for me. 

Plan B.  “I don’t know what you find so funny about my exercise equipement.  There is NO excuse to be floppy….even if you are a lesbian.”  More hilarious laughter ensued, yet it somehow eluded me once again.  I seriously thought my girl was going to drive us into oncoming traffic she was laughing so hard.  No such luck.  I was trapped in a vehicle, with that image burned into my retinas for 3 more hours. 

As if we didn’t learn our lesson about buying new toys and forgetting them in the car, we dropped her off and hit the sex shop.  I finally invested in one of the glass toys.  WELL, worth it, we WILL be getting more…. 



My mother has been here a week…and is in no hurry to go home.  Shoot me.  Just shoot me.  Now.



{June 28, 2007}   I want to be a part of it…

NEW YORK.  Yeppers, my NYC trip is a go.  YAY!  I love free shit, especially a $1500 free week in NYC. 

I get to do all the touristy stuff that you are supposed to do.  The Empire State building, Statue of Liberty,WTC Memorial, Mets game, Legally Blonde on Broadway…and all kinds of other stuff. 

The trip is just a little over 3 weeks away, so I am gonna have to save some shopping money.  Any donations are welcome.  😉



{June 24, 2007}   Insomnia sucks.

I have got to get this whole sleeping thing under control.  It was like 5 am when I finally went to sleep this morning.  That is ridiculous.  I am not a kid anymore.  I have a big girl job the requires me to be be in the office at 8am and ready to save the world.  Argh, being a super hero isn’t always what it is cracked up to be.

Let me tell you how I spent my long long night.  There wasn’t ANYTHING on tv…. I have like a gazillion channels and couldn’t find anything to watch.  I am not too much of a tv person anyway, but that is beside the point.  So the majority of my night was spent browsing through myspace.  I don’t even get the whole myspace thing.  My roommate insisted that I set up an account like 4 years ago before you even heard about it.  I have had little doings with it since.  Call me weird, but to me the whole thing is like asking the world to sign your yearbook… *rolls eyes*.  I am more of an instant messenger type chick.  If someone wants to talk to me, I would rather have instant back and forth banter.  But then again, I am all about the instant gratification.

Anywho I hung in there like the best of stalkers and went to digging through friends list looking for other people I know.  Seems like most of the people I know on there, I never liked.  I was quite suprised that many of my old classmates and what not have found religion in a big way, which is cool for them, but quite suprising for many.  Well, eventually, the spiderweb of contacts came to an end, but my sleeplessness did not.  So I started stalking. 

You can search for people by their real names.  But at almost 30 yrs old, that left that handy little tool basically only good for the male population.  Most chicks have tried their hands at marriage by now.  So off I went.  I found out that my high school sweetheart now has two daugthers, which made me smile.  I knew that he had gotton married about 6 years ago, and if I had to hand pick my “replacement” than it would be the woman he ended up marrying.  

I messaged a guy that was absolutely as in love with me as his little 15 yro heart would allow.  He was terribly smitten *smitten… when did I turn 90* with me, but I wasn’t very nice to him.  I was 13 and generally miserable, so I wasn’t in a very nice mood for, oh say, until 16.  I apoligized for being not so nice to him. 

I messaged a guy that I had Freshman Spanish with.  LOL  We would sit in the back of the room and totally talk shit about everyone.  Good times, good times.  He is married with a kid or two, however, he stated that he was a swinger, which made me chuckle.   Seems that quite a few people I useed to know are into the whole wife swap thing.  Crazy.  Sorry, but I never did get a gold star for sharing.

I suppose it will be interesting to see if I get any restraining orders in the mail.  I did explain in the messages that I am not really a stalker, but just wasn’t sleepy. 

I am such a dork, but thankfully, these people already knew that.



{June 22, 2007}   You guys rock!

I want to thank everyone who has expressed concern about my health.  I am very happy to report that I am already feeling MUCH better.  YAY meds!

Al decided to get a fish tank.  She heard it would help her with stress.  Wrong.  We have had a horrible time geting our Ph levels lined out in the tank.  Finally I have them stablized.  I have kept fish in the past, and pretty much knew what to do.  However, she was completly freaking out, afraid that she gave them a death sentance with the ringing of the cash register.  So to say the least…thus far the fish have not yet relieved her stress.  LOL

She asked me to stop by the convienance store on the way home.  She knows how I feel about stopping after work….especially on a Friday.  But being the wonderful gf that I am, I did it and picked up a couple of scratch off lottery tickets too.  When I got home I teased her about how I wasn’t gong to share my tickets with her and was going to play them all myself.  She thought she was going to be slick and grab them out of the top of my open purse on the coffee table and run away with them.  Only the fact that our couch has a chaise must have slipped her mind, because as she turned tail to run,  COMPLETELY fell over the top of it and bouncing onto the floor.  I believe in grabbing opportunities by the horn….much like I snatched the tickets peeking out from under her lifeless body.   I must admit…as I did so, I laughed a sweet laugh of victory. 

So I scratched one…it was a dud.  Once again, being the wonderful gf that I am, I offered her the remaining ticket.  She declined.  All the well, I am the lucky one anyway and proceeded to tell her so.  A fact that was soon proven by a $25 win.  See, told ya so. 

Well, once she knew there was a winner among the mix, she decided that was her ticket.  Silly girl, she confused my generosity of letting her scratch it off, with believing that any proceedings would be of her possession.  I know, where does she get such crazy ideas!?  Needless to say, it resulted in another run throughout the house. 

As of right now….she has the ticket tucked safely in her wallet…but what she fails to remember is that she goes to sleep before I do.  *insert manical laughter here*  However, I will be true to my word, or at least her interpretation of it, and let her keep the ticket….I will just get my $25 in cash….saves me another stop on the way home anyway.   😉



Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO have a bad case of loving you.  😉  And Graves Disease.  Sounds.  Um.  Lively.  Doesn’t it? 

Went to the specialist today.  He confirmed what I had already self diagnoised.  I love it when I am right.  I got Graves Disease, which basically is my thyroid is completely fubared, not just only part of it. 

He gave me two courses of action to choose from.  We can either try to control it with meds, or I can get nuked and kill it, automatically putting me hypothyritic, and on medicine for the rest of my life.  I wasn’t down with the whole nuke and lifetime meds thing.

Seems that with trying to control it, it is going to be alot of monitoring and tweaking of meds going on.  The Dr. said that I should look out for a fever, because the medicine can affect my white blood cell count and I may have to go to the hospital for an antibiotic IV drip if it drops too much.  Sounds fun, eh?

I think Anastasia would prefer me to get nuked, she looks at it as something is fucked up in me, make it stop.  But at any point I can always opt for that later.  I want to try to control it first.

Well, that is about it on the homefront for now. 



{June 18, 2007}   We are family…unfortunately

Well, we went to visit my psycho family.  Which is almost never a good experiance.  Usually I feel like a fool for driving 4.5 hours just to get pissed off.  What kind of sado am I? 

We made this trip with good intentions though, I suppose that is all that matters.  My oldest nephew just graduated high school and has expressed interest in going to college.  Well, being as I am the only one in the family who actually got off my ass and decided to do something with my life, I felt the need to go down there to give him some guideance and support.  A waste of time, but I had to at least try.  If he goes to school this fall, I will post a picture of my ass on here….as soon as I figure out how to actually get pictures posted.  It isn’t entirely his fault, I can tell that he isn’t going to get any help from anyone there, and he hasn’t the drive to actually make sure that things are taken care of himself.  I told my mom, whom he is living with, what he needs to do, and who he needs to talk to and she replied that he is just going to have to get a bike to take himself.

There was drama with my bigot of a brother, whom ALSO lives with my mom.  What a fucking loser, he is nearing 40 years old and still lives with his mom.  Hell, save for a period of about two weeks right after I left my fiancee, I haven’t lived with her since I was 15.  When he found out that Anastasia and I had offered to take my nephew in to help put him through school, he threw a fit.  Seems that he is afraid that the lesbians will be a bad influence on the nephew.  He must be afraid that you can catch “the gay”.   Idiot.  Like him sitting around smoking weed all day is a better lifestyle to be exposed to opposed to us getting up everyday going to work, and living a decent honest life.  Drama, drama, drama.  Seems that my brother went to visit my equally bigot of a sister to gossip about everyone else in the family.  Oh to have been a fly on that wall.  I haven’t talked to my sister since I contracted “the gay” 3.5 years ago.  I am SOOO close to writting the whole bunch off and saying “fuck you, I live 300 miles away, I don’t need your bullshit.”

We did have a good time Saturday night.  We went out with an old friend and went to the gay bar we used to go to.  We haven’t been out in AGES.  A good time was had by all.  My poor friend was a drag queen magnet and got humped by damn near everyone performing at some point.  Our friend “Briana” was working the show that night too.  She sat on Al’s lap and straddled her at one point, only to have her fishnets caught in the buttons of Al’s cargo shorts.   LMAO  So there I was for like 10 minutes intently trying to untangle them.  I hope that she knows that shit won’t happen with a bio-girl.  LOL  I would not be quite as helpful in that situation.   But then again, pulling the bitch off her would untangle them REALLY quick. 



You see, yesterday as I was pulling into the driveway my gas light came on.  I HATE to get gas…absolutely hate it.  Somehow I didn’t manage to weasel Al into filling it up for me.  Damn…I must be losing my touch.  I can’t really complain, I can’t redily recall when was the last time I pumped my gas.  It has been several weeks I am sure. 

Anywho, the only thing worse than filling up, is filling up in the already rushed morning commute.  But no fear, I KNOW I can make it at least the 15 mile trip from the house to the office on fumes, and if all else fails there is a gas station right next to the office.  However, said gas station is used ONLY in emergencies.  Anastasia is a bit of a gas snob, BP gas isn’t good enough to suit her, she prefers Shell.

Fast forward to mid-day.  After taking the usual 45 minutes to and hour for the 5 or 6 of us who usually eat together to decide what we wanted.  Well, a male co-worker *who shall we called Goat Boy* was elected to pick up the orders.  I volunteered to go with him and drive my vehicle since I needed gas anyway.  Stopping after work is nearly as horrendous as stopping before work in my opinion. 

All is well, we load up in my little Malibu and start off.  Goat Boy was yammering about something, I really don’t know what.  I swear sometimes he is worse than a bitch about yapping.  Well, at the end of the driveway at work, my little gas dingy thingy went off.  You have to understand that I am the woman you see talking away in her empty car, I have a running commentary on my travels practically. 

Well, as I said, Goat Boy was running at the mouth about something and my gas dinger went off.  Unthinking I let out with a, “Oh shut up, you are about to get some down the road just a little bit.”  I didn’t piece together how it sounded until after the screetching halt of Goat Boy’s yammering, after a moment of silence for the death of my dignity, he replied, “I hope you were talking to the car.”  We busted out laughing. 

Of course once we got back, he had to tell the rest of the office….which in turn had to run to the main building next door and tell everyone there.  So now, everyone has called my laughing at how I propositioned Goat Boy.  *shakes head*



{June 11, 2007}   Good Eatin’ Lately

It is a good thing this whole thyroid thing is making me lose weight because I have had some good food lately.  This weekend we grilled out.  Burgers, hot dogs, chicken, and cheese filled brats….YUM.  We had a good time, a bunch of us went up on the mountain and rode our ATV’s and cooked.  It is rather difficult to jump hills on one of those without spilling your beer though….or in my case your Smirnoff Black Cherry….good shit.

We had a luau at work today, had even more good food.  A roasted pig and everything.  I wasn’t quite a fan, but it was still neat.  They had chicken and other normal grill food too, so it was all good.

I  get to go to New York next month for work.  The best part, I don’t even have to go to any boring meetings.  Our youth program is going and doing all the tourist shit….Mets game, Broadway show, Ellis Island, pretty much everything you can pack into a week.  Eventhough I dont’ work in that dept. I help them out alot, and they have invited me to go along, which totally kicked ass.  All I have to do is sweet talk the executive director into it.  Cross your fingers for me!

We have decided to go visit my family this weekend.  But Al is freaking out, afraid she is going to miss the new Man vs. Wild…I swear that chick is addicted to those shows.  I am suprised she didn’t insist on forgoing the grill for a spit over an open flame produced by rubbing sticks together.  I dunno though, if it wasn’t for the dirt and sweat, maybe it would be sexy for her to live off the land for a weekend… but then again….EEEW.



et cetera